erik
12-22-2008, 03:46 PM
A professor of mine sent this with a final email. Its pretty funny.
Holiday Rules
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the winter holiday spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly. It's rare... like
triple malt Scotch.You cannot find it any other time of year but now.
So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?
It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something.
It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
the holidays!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? You're a broke college
student, remember?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. Leave crumbs everywhere, and always
speak with your mouth full of them.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, dude, have
some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
tips. But hurry, January is just around the corner.
Holiday Rules
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the winter holiday spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly. It's rare... like
triple malt Scotch.You cannot find it any other time of year but now.
So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?
It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something.
It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
the holidays!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? You're a broke college
student, remember?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. Leave crumbs everywhere, and always
speak with your mouth full of them.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, dude, have
some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
tips. But hurry, January is just around the corner.